Wednesday

After the big ride on Tuesday, I was tired heading out today for another 100+ day. Didn’t help that I had to do battle with the morning traffic in the city – it’s amazing how quickly you simply abandon all pretence of being a law abiding cyclist and just act like everyone else, bumping, pushing and shoving, going the wrong way against traffic and basically adopting the ‘snooze, you lose’ attitude! Worked for me! I got out the city and found a Roti stall for breakfast – again, my palate has adapted from cereal and toast to spicy food. Anyways, like Tuesday, the initial 50 or so Ks were on ‘bat shit boring’ roads – dual carriageways swarming with tourist coaches, some of whom came way to close for my comfort. I then got off the highway to another delightful backroad. Had lunch in this really rural village, seemingly untouched by modernity and all the better because of it. So you can imagine how that image was shattered when the little child on the table next to me had her head in her mums iphone whilst it blasted out the Baby Shark song….in English! Nothing says rural cultural Thailand than that shite! Later
I stopped at a tiny village cross roads and had an iced coffee whilst watching the world move through this small cross roads. I pedalled off and after about 6k the lady in the shop where I had got the iced coffee waved me down on her moped….to give me 10 Thai Bharti….about 30c. She had overcharged me at the shop so had come chasing after me! That she would chase after me to correct an error I hadn’t even noticed is simply amazing ! She refused to keep the money.

So anyway I get to Songkhla port and booked in, again just as the heavens opened. Thought I’d get some food….well, bugger me, after an hour wandering around the ‘old town’ (which is really very picturesque) I couldn’t find one Thai eatery that was open or willing to serve me! The place is packed with wanky coffee shops – places to be seen and heard in – so all the street cafes have been forced out. Very sad…and I was very hungry! I stood at one place serving Chinese food for 15 minutes being completely ignored!

Had to laugh though when I got back to the hotel – the super friendly ‘security ‘ guard in the hotel car park, where my bike is, had assured me (with two fingers, two eyes salute to signal he was watching my bike) that it’ll be safe….when I came back he was fast asleep at his ‘station’!! I wanted to hide my bike and wake him up but decided against it 🤣

Thursday: well, what a great night (and half the morning in truth) sleep I had! Clearly I needed it!

I spent the morning dawdling through the narrow streets of Songkhla. Quite lovely. Also found the open market which was an assault on all my senses!

Today has been one of quiet reflection amidst still…still….trying to find something to eat! Being hungry in Thailand seems crazy but it’s been my reality in the larger towns whereas in the backroad villages there’s plenty to choose from!

My mate Barry asked me the other night ‘so, is this trip helping, is it what you thought it would be?’ Made me stop and think. To answer the latter question first, it’s doing everything I hoped it would in terms of putting time and space between me and my perpetual triggering experiences in Adelaide, and in that regard I feel less stuck in a routine which only served to enhance my own emotional depletion. It’s been an incredible experience, and even the low times have brought new insights.
As to the first part – is it helping…that’s more tricky.

Travelling itself is healing, but there is undeniably a sense of artificiality to it in that it’s a way of life, but it’s removed from day to day realities. So, whilst it’s helped in terms of time and space, the ‘real’ test of its helpfulness would be to ask ‘are you ready to resume life in Adelaide having learnt what you’ve learnt about yourself? The answer is – no, not yet. I know in myself that it doesn’t take much to feel those feelings and emotions, and think those thoughts that nearly broke me. I absolutely have a deeper understanding of why they are so powerful, and a greater insight in to why I need to stop taking on shite that doesn’t belong to me. But those rusted on, hard wired triggers are loitering with constant intent. Softening yes. But omnipresent. At one level I have pondered whether it is possible to truly heal when you’re removed from the things that you need to confront. But I’m reminded of what my wonderful counsellor said ‘you’re like an alcoholic trying to get sober in a pub’. By staying on the hamster wheel I had been on, constantly being triggered, angered and depleted, I simply had no way of even starting to heal. It was addictive to simply keep on being immersed in what I knew was hurting me. So….this journey is the initial critical circuit breaker, and in that regard…,it’s doing it’s job 😊. It won’t in itself bring about the healing….it’s not a simple matter of ‘go forth and cycle 3000ks and you’ll find your healing’ but it will give me the space to start that work 😊.

So the plan is to head North along the coast heading for Bangkok, where I’m likely to adjourn the cycling part of this trip to go to help out with my dads care arrangements. Whilst it’s disappointing in terms of not cycling further, that can wait.